Out of Context

"Say my name!"

"He has nice shoes."
"He smells bad and he's hairy."
"Admit it, you love the shoes"

"Religion is like a balm for the soul. It stings, and sometimes it causes a nasty rash, but it's good too."
"The sting goes away if you blow on it."

"Eventually you will have to put it down, and that's when I will attack."

"I need to ask for your advice in the love department. I figure, you're married, you'll know what to do. Not that your relationship with your husband in any way reflects a lesbian relationship, but I've heard that the same principles apply."

"$500! You've got to be kidding me! You paid $500 for 2 kids and one meal?"
"Uh, the kids came with sleeping bags, and desert was included."

"We would get along. You are more of a whistler kind of girl, while I am more of a name that tune kind of girl. It's like we're friends already!"

"You can be my reflection if you want to."

"You wanna do lunch?"
"Sure, where are we going?"
"Hell, but that's not important."

"That's why we have homeless people working for the Boy Scouts, it's good for business."

"What? They needed a purpose, so I gave them one."

"Are you going to go?"
"No, I have to wash my hair."
"It's not dirty."
"But it could be."

"I could just stop right now."
"You really don't want to leave me with partial knowledge. That makes me dangerous."

"Do you want to go with me on Saturday?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't like you and the thought of being in a car with you for 6 hours makes me nauseous."
"Yeah, that's fair."

"I don't have any money because my husband is sleeping."

"Do you think it's fair to say that all men have ramen noodles for brains?"
"Are the ramen noodles cooked or raw?"
"raw"
"yeah, that's fair"

"The Pastor was doing Jager Bombs."
"Before or after the ceremony?"
"Hard to tell."

"My pants are see-through and I'm wearing half a tu-tu. It's a great day."